I was in a conversation this week that generated some ongoing thoughts. We were discussing how people “get away” to discover “who they really are”. Now, I have no problem with taking some space to clear your head, depressurize or get some perspective. I think that’s actually a healthy practice and one I regularly engage in. The difference is thinking that such an escape will solve any crisis of identity. (As always I know acknowledge this is a concept that occurs regularly, not a rule.)
I won’t go into the specifics of the situation we were talking about but I’m throwing around a couple of idea as a result:
Who you are is revealed by the choices you make (not just intellectual preferences). For example, If you are going through a hard time and want to be a person of perseverance during hard times, running away to find out if you are a person with perseverance isn’t necessary. Your desire is part of who you are and your actions are another part. In this example, the actually being away will not reveal who you are but rather who you are will have already been revealed before you walk (a person desiring perseverance but not as developed as they would like) or don’t walk (a person with a value of perseverance that they currently have the strength to live out) through the door.
In fact, I think that the pressures and issues in day to day life are signs and indicators of areas we can grow in and so running away where those pressures don’t exist actually means I don’t discover who I really am because at some point I will have to return to the real world to face these things and find out my strengths, support structures, weaknesses, cares, concerns, etc. in regard to the issue.
Sure, it’s not the easiest way to think about it but sometimes the real question is “Are you trying to find, or escape who you are?